


Piña Coladas in Space

by babyfacegremlin2001



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abstract References to Norse Mythology, Amora is that one ex you just can't get rid of, BAMF Loki (Marvel), BAMF Sigyn (Marvel), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Cloak of Levitation (Marvel) is that one bitch in the group who IS down with murder, F/M, Heimdall is done with everyone's shit, Liberal Fucking with Space and Time, Loki Will Destroy Thanos by Being a Lil Shit, Loki as the Sorcerer Supreme, Loki is NOT God of Knives, Loki is actually mischievous, Major character death (temporarily), Multiverse is Mentioned, Other tags to be added, Tesseract shenanigans, Thanos is a bitch, The Black Order are just the "Loki Hunting Squad", Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Trickster Marriage, other characters to be added - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 22:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19304752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyfacegremlin2001/pseuds/babyfacegremlin2001
Summary: In which Loki decided not to die, for once, and skipped out of town with the Tesseract. Preventing Thanos from ever successfully completing the gauntlet without catching him. But Loki proves to be slipperier than the Mad Titan had planned, which makes for quite the chase across the universe and quite the adventure for the Trickster God, who knows his luck will run out all too soon. Unless… he makes some drastic measures.And thus, he finds himself rebuilding his relationship with his brother and fellow Asgardians, whilst chasing down his pesky sister in her underworld and searching for a lover once banished from the Asgard that very much doesn’t exist anymore—quickly finding the Mad Titan the least of his problems.





	1. Now You See Me, Now You Don't

**Author's Note:**

> should be finishing off my other fics, but the best way to deal with writer's block is to write more stuff :))
> 
> this is gonna be a big fic and will take me awhile to complete, but i will never leave a fic unfinished so dw bout all that folks.

The wreckage of the hull swarmed in jagged tatters around them. The heat pumping into their pocket from the failing engines was frigidly combatted by the lonesome chill of the void that swam murkily outside the Statesman. Purplish waves of energy pulsed throughout the dense cavity, littered with the corpses of fallen soldiers. Thank Odin, that the refugees had reached the escape pods in time, because no matter how benevolent Thanos projected himself to be, he would have little issue executing his population-halving… on their _already halved_ population.

Loki picked his way through his fallen subjects with little fanfare, presenting the not-Tesseract in his palm. Permeating through the almost-darkness, the cyanic blue that seemed all too unreal lit the gauntness in his face and illuminated the danger ahead. Thanos stood, waiting. Loki made no move either.

To end their stalemate, Thanos stepped forward and dragged Thor’s body with him. “The Space Stone,” his voice reverberated through the shambles of the vessel. “You know what happens if you refuse.”

“Oh, I do—”

“And I’m not blind to your care, for him. Don’t try to convince me to kill him, because your back and forth takes far too long.”

“Does it now?” Loki pulled the not-Tesseract back to his front with a strained smile. “You know, I do love causing people strife—can hardly restrain myself from mischief most days, but God of Mischief and all that, so you can’t really blame me.”

Thanos didn’t frown, nor display any distaste. He just twisted his head to get a better look at him, in that awful, inquisitive way. Like he was looking at a bug he would like to squash. “The only thing that stands between your brother’s life and death is you, and your decision—”

“—You’re not wrong there, I’ll give you that—”

“—so,” he paused, “I suggest you make the right one.”

Loki glanced to Heimdall, teetering on the edge of consciousness from the wound in his abdomen. The slight hadn’t been enough to kill him, and he looked ready to ‘magic rainbow bridge’ somebody elsewhere at any given moment. Probably Bruce, who had long since diverted to his natural form. Turns out getting caught by surprise was enough to derail the Hulk’s anger, and the scientist remained feeble and cowering in his wake. Understandably so, Loki would find it hard to poke fun at him for it.

“Oh, I will.” And he left it at that.

Predictably, Heimdall met his gaze. Searching chaotic eyes was a talent of his—he did see everything, after all. Pity he didn’t see the future, but you can’t have everything. Either way, he seemed to catch onto Loki’s unspoken and half-formulated plan.

Too risky to bridge their minds, considering Ebony Maw was watching him with a keen interest. Probably keen to get into his head again… as if he was going to let that happen.

Thanos, with a heaving sigh, extended his hand again. “If you’re just going to stand there then I might as well kill him, then you, and pry the Space Stone from your dead hands.”

“Unlikely,” Loki thrust out the Tesseract and deposited it in Thanos’ palm. “There. Now, you have the stone. Leave us be, and we’ll prance off to the undisturbed fields of Svartalfheim and make amends with the Light Elves, maybe even pick up our remaining refugees along the way. Boring, diplomatic relocating—I doubt you’d be interested.”

Thanos took one look at the Tesseract, with the Maw’s gleeful smile illuminated just past his shoulder, and turned his untrusting gaze to Loki. Who, in turn, smiled chirpily and extended his hand for his brother, who was looking at the whole exchange with a pained expression. Not that he could voice his thoughts on the matter, with the scrap metal effectively wound around his mouth. If he could, he’d probably be making things a lot worse.

Heimdall, on cue—which was a thumbs-up behind Loki’s back—called forth the Bifrost and swept Bruce away in a festering of dizzying iridescence that left the Black Order reeling from the sheer sight of it. Heimdall glanced over again, this time earning a full nod, before giving himself the same treatment.

Rainbow light-show over, Thanos was still holding his brother’s head in an iron clasp.

“The Space Stone.”

“I beg your pardon?” Loki acted, affronted. “I _gave_ you the stone, you’re holding it now.” Broadly stepping towards his brother, he acted shocked when Thanos stepped back to maintain their distance. “Go ahead, use it and you’ll see it’s the real deal.”

The insistence in his voice warbled, as he had intended it to. And Thanos didn’t look like he was believing a second of Loki’s truthfulness.

“I’m not falling for your tricks.” And with that, he flung the Tesseract at Loki, who caught it quickly and pocketed it quicker. “The real stone, or your brother’s head. I’m being patient, for his sake. Not yours. Remember that.”

The Maw looked quite despairing during this exchange. “Sire,” he prompted, but was promptly silenced as Loki leapt in with his rambling.

“Ah, yes, my bad,” he chuckled, producing the not-Tesseract from his side and holding it out with a graver expression underlying his smile, “Silly me, you know, I have quite a few of those lying about. Easy mistake.”

Thanos didn’t move to grasp it.

“Sire—”

“Look,” Loki made a grand gesture and cleared the blueish glow that alit the cube, on the interior lay a jagged, blue rock. It gyrated in place, suspended by its own immense power, pulsing in proximity to its brethren, which pulsed in tandem in the gauntlet. “It’s authentic. As is my brother’s life. I jest oft, but don’t let my truthfulness fool you when I present it. It would be unwise to do so.”

Thor was watching the exchange, despairing not for his life but instead for Loki’s decision-making. Not that he had any idea what his brother was scheming.

As predicted, Thanos accepted the not-Tesseract with apprehension and clasped the cube within his mighty fist. The cube did not make a sound as it shattered, not the sound one equates with shattering, anyway. It was a sharp, pitched wailing that droned out into a pleasant hum once the not-Space Stone was freed from its binding. Even the Maw appeared to be reconsidering his sharp—and correct—judgment. Loki concealed his smirk behind a patient mask of indifference.

Now, the tricky part. Thanos lowered the not-Space Stone to the gauntlet aside its kin and Loki doubled the efforts of his illusion. Cleanly fusing to the gauntlet, he spread his seidr through Thanos’ arm in a mimicry of the injection such power would cause to its beholder. Thor’s head, as thick as it was, seemed to grasp Loki’s scheme when he was greeted by his not-totally-unpleasant magical signature rather than the unwelcome and painful spike of cosmic energy. In turn, his eyes became panicked, but his muffled screams stifled. Good, it seems he knew how _not_ to cause a scene after all.

“My brother,” Loki prompted, hand outstretched and palm upwards, as if asking for a donation. “And our safe passage elsewhere.”

Thanos paused to consider it, but eventually tossed his brother’s dead-weight to his feet.  Loki didn’t move to help him up.

“I could offer you a trip,” Thanos called upon the not-Space Stone and Loki had the forethought to make it glow as he did. “Free of charge, except I will be deciding your destination. It isn’t as if you have a ship to travel with. All remaining escape shuttles were eradicated on initial dispatch. Unless you plan to drift aimlessly through space until you reach your desired destination.”

Loki smirked, a wide and ferocious grin that stretched to his ears. The Maw felt it now, the spike in seidr was evident to a near-telepath, and he rushed to warn his master. How cute.

“Sire, he—!”

“Oh, don’t worry about us. But before I leave, a game.”

Thanos looked to the Maw, at last, and quickly turned his head to the gauntlet. Nothing had changed, not visibly, but the sharp spike in cosmic energy was telltale. Especially when its invisible coils wrapped around Loki’s outstretched arm, in which formed the Tesseract in all of it’s blue-glowing glory, atop his open hand.

“Now you see me—”

Thanos’ war cry was nothing short of bone-chilling, and his face was wrought deep with wrath. Truly living up to his name. He certainly was mad—furious, even.

Loki found his anger comical. “—Now you don’t!”

And with a cheeky smile and wave, he and Thor were corroded by the blue-black cosmos and transported to a different plane in its entirety.


	2. Intermission on Alfheim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah! i split the original chapter in two because i probably won't be making big ones and don't wanna give off that impression.
> 
> soz to the 5 peeps who read this chap before i edited it and probs got confused lol.
> 
> won't do it again, pinkie promise!

The sweeping motion surrounding them felt not too dissimilar to the one people experienced on those fast-paced rotating rides at carnivals, as if they were being compressed on all sides but throttled through space—which, they were—at breakneck speeds. In a blink, they were staring at the rain-forestry and mountainous peaks of Alfheim, the white city looming in the distance on the farthest mountain.

No doubt the Light Elves knew they had arrived—most were probably prowling the forest for Loki’s head, but he wasn’t above making amends for his past misgivings. Besides, they liked Thor. Thor was King, too. That’d sort things out nicely, if he decided to wake up, that is.

Unknowing and not-all-that uncaring of when he passed out, Loki gave him a kick to the back of his head, and it seemed to liven him up nicely. The metal mouthpiece had dropped limply to the sodden dirt; a pity.

“Loki, that was—”

“—one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. I know, but it worked, didn’t it? Look at us, Tesseract in hand and leagues ahead of Thanos’ army. Now, I know you don’t like running, so I thought about dropping you off on Earth where you can fight the purple bastard for more cosmic rocks. Sound good?” Loki, having rushed through his grievances, hurriedly procured the Tesseract only to be blindsided by a tight hug that he found himself hard-pressed to escape even though he was more than physically capable of doing so.

“—BRILLIANT! I was going to say  _brilliant_ , brother!” He clapped Loki’s back harshly, and the trickster fumbled for an intellectual response. Finding none, he settled for gingerly returning the hug and returning the Tesseract to his trusty pocket dimension.

“So,” No matter how hard he hugged back, Thor seemed extremely resistant to let go. “You don’t want to go back to Earth? To help your little friends protect the stones?”

That got Thor’s attention, but only enough of it for him to loosen his grip enough to look Loki in the eye. “I’d like to warn them, yes. Fight too, but not in this condition. You saw how well I did back there and… I dunno. I can’t just lightning him to death, as much as I’d like to.”

“Oh, how I wish it would be that easy,” Loki lamented, thoughtful. “He’s too strong of an opponent to best in combat. We’d need someone—dare I say it—of Odin’s power to stand against him toe-to-toe.”

“Father?”

“Odin, yes.” Loki gestured to the serenity of Alfheim, not a sound astray from wildlife in the grotto they stood in. “Peace does not come simply, brother, which is why I don’t often deal in it. It’s a terrible bargaining chip, because those who seek it don’t often have a better option. Domination beats democracy, any day. Now, power, that is one hell of a bargaining chip, one that can secure yourself and your associates a cushy lifestyle free from harm if you’re serious enough about it.”

Thor blinked and nodded.

“You have no idea what I’m saying, do you?”

“What?” Thor bluffed, waving off his suggestion. “Of course… yes, I do.”

“Really? Then what did I say?”

“Uh… about how Father could beat Thanos?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Close, but no.” He reiterated. “Odin sat on the Tesseract for years, and I, posing as Odin, did the same. Thanos may be a warlord but he does not seek battles, especially not equal-footed ones, and would much rather stay out of Odin’s way than contest his hold of the Space Stone. Well… when he didn’t  _have_ any of the other stones, that is.”

Whilst he paused to think, Thor unhelpfully added. “Then, with every stone he procures, the amount of power we require to best him increases as well?”

Loki turned to him with a disbelieving expression and offered little more than an exasperated: “Yes, bravo brother dearest, that’s exactly what I’m getting at.”

“Well, for starters, I will need a hammer.”

“What?” Now, Loki couldn’t believe his ears. “Why do you need a hammer? Mjolnir was destroyed—reduced to rubble,  _by Hela_. So, with all due respect to your tragic loss, what good is another hammer going to do?”

Thor paused, as if he were thinking. Oh, how Loki wished he were! “You’re right.”

_Odin’s Beard, finally—_

“I need a better hammer.”

_What?_

“I need a weapon fit for a King! Something so powerful that I can cut that gauntlet in half just as I’ll do to Thanos’ face!” Thor was practically vibrating with energy. Loki was at a loss.

“Thor, we just went through this on Asgard. You don’t need a hammer to use your powers, in fact, it constrains them! You do not need another hammer!”

“Well maybe I’ll get an axe then!” Thor contested heartily. “Not too fond of swords, that’s Heimdall’s schtick.”

“Thor, the type of weapon is not the point—”

“Oh, it will. You see, I may have slept through all of our magic lessons and skipped our history classes so I could spar with Sif, but I paid very close attention in our forgery lessons—”

“Wait, wait, you guys learned forgery? Like, making fake licenses and stuff?” Piped Bruce, drowned out in the Hulk’s old attire and standing in the shadow of Heimdall, who was propped weakly on his broadsword, looking very unamused.

“—no Bruce, like forging weapons from melted metal. Now, that gauntlet is definitely Uru metal. There’s no doubt about it, I’d recognize it anywhere. What with it so close to my head, I’m sure I’m not wrong.”

“He isn’t.” Heimdall said.

“Thank you, Hei— _Heimdall?!_ ” It just seemed as if Thor realized the two were standing in the shade of nearby trees, and he rushed over to deal out the appropriate amount of affection (too much, in Loki’s eyes). “ _Banner?!_ ” He sounded equally surprised. Loki rolled his eyes.

“If that monstrosity is Uru metal,” Loki voiced, garnering the appropriate amount of attention (all of it). “Then the dwarves certainly didn’t forge it willingly. They never would have commissioned such a device if not under Odin’s direct order.”

With that thought left hanging, he ruminated. Thor seemed to catch onto his hint.

“You think, that father might have—”

“No,” said Heimdall. “He didn’t.”

“Then what happened?” Bruce chipped in, again. Standing around looking rather lost, Loki almost felt the urge to spend the time educating him on the issue. Almost.

“Nidavellir has been dark to me for ages. Ever since the dwarves refused to forge a divining weapon for Loki as they did for Thor—” They’d had good reason to, Loki hadn’t been the kindest of neighbours in his youth and stole from them oft. “—Odin cast them out. Silent treatment, and encouraged me to do the same. I blocked them out, for a time, and when I decided to spare them a glance, I couldn’t see anything.”

“What like… like there wasn’t any life there?” Thor was confronted by the possibility Thanos may have slaughtered them and looked to Loki to confirm his suspicion but… no, Thanos halved populations. He didn’t destroy them in their entirety. Or, not to Loki’s knowledge, he didn’t. It seemed hypocritical.

Heimdall took the moment to seat himself at the base of a gallivanting tree, wound getting to him, despite healing rapidly. “No. It’s just dark. As if the star has gone out and there’s no light. I don’t have night vision, Loki, I can see what is there depending on the conditions. And right now, I can barely make out the rings. And if it’s the rings I’m looking at right now, then they’re not moving.”

Loki threw out his arms in dramatized exasperation. “Well, that’s just great. Isn’t it. One plan dashed—no star, no heat, no melting, no forging, no axe or hammer or whatever-it-is you wanted. Now, do we have any other ideas? Or am I going to take off running?”

He was promptly ignored, because Thor decided that it was a good time to ask. “How did you even find us here?”

“We, uh, got here before you. Heimdall took us to Alp—Alpine? Wherever this is?” Bruce filled in, stuttering past his obvious shock. “Who—that guy back on the ship—who was he? Some crazy warlord?”

Heimdall shushed Bruce by dragging him down to sit in the dewy grass. “You’re brother’s tricks. Dark Elves are from Svartalfheim, your Light Elves are from Alfheim. Decent red herring, unless they happen to know that too.”

“Or track your cosmic signature.” Bruce added.

They all turned to look at him, and he had the audacity to shrug. “What? We’ve worked with the Tesseract on Earth and that thing is basically a beacon of cosmic energy. You use it and everybody in this half-of-the-galaxy knows about it, if they’re looking for it.”

Loki conceded to that with a nod. “Precisely why I plan to skip town before the warships get here and turn yet another one of the nine realms to ash. So if we can pick up the pity-party, come up with some worthwhile ideas and get ourselves out of here…”

Heimdall gave a nod from where he sat. “I’ll return to the refugees, guide them to Vanaheim. There are healers' who will treat the worst of my wound quicker than I would mend it myself.”

“I kinda wanna go back to Earth, y’know, mankind’s a little in danger at the moment and I feel like I need to give them a heads up… y’know?” Bruce stumbled and Thor clapped him on the back, making him jump.

“Wonderful idea, and you tell them that I’ll be dropping by once I’ve forged my new hammer-thing.”

“Brother, you’ re not trying to tell me that you’re still striving to go after this hammer? Nidavellir is dark! There’s a good chance there’s nothing there!”

“—and a small chance there might be. And you know me, I’m lucky.”

“You had your eye ripped out, your home destroyed, your army slaughtered, and head almost crushed in by a Titan in the span of a week—I wouldn’t call that lucky.” Loki reminded.

“OK, well, not that lucky. But I survived all that, didn’t I?”

“I would call that brutish resilience rather than luck.”

“And with all your  _‘I’m dead, actually I’m alive, but wait now I’m dead but, oh no, wait, I’m not dead’_  I would liken you to a cockroach, but I’ve not stooped that low just yet.”

Loki scrunched his nose in distaste. He didn’t know what a cockroach was, but it certainly didn’t sound pleasant.

“Guys!” Bruce broke their back-and-forth bickering with the firmest voice Loki had yet to hear come from the meek scientist. “We’ve gotta get something straight here. If this Thanos—whoever he is—is coming for the Tesseract, then we have to get it as far away from him as possible.”

“Exactly,” Loki agreed, perhaps the scientist was seeing reason. “But he’s not just after this one, he’ll want the other four. One of which, we are privy to the location, another is snuggly tied around the neck of that makeshift wizard in New York, and the last one is nowhere. None have sighted it since the creation of the universe itself, so I doubt it will be easy to uncover.”

Loki turned to Bruce with a smile. “I’m assuming you know where the Mind Stone is, considering you and Anthony the most likely candidates for plucking it out of my precious scepter.”

“Yeah, it’s in Vision’s head.”

“Who?”

“He’s like a robot with a—look, it doesn’t matter. The stone is safe with Vision.”

Loki restrained himself from wringing the scientist’s neck as it would do none of them any good, and may prove to sour his relations with his brother further. “We’ll see about that.”

When Loki turned back to resume his argument, Bruce was gone. Figures.

Heimdall stood none too guiltily by the tree, readying the Bifrost through the dark magic entwined with his sword. “I do hope you two sort things out civilly.”

“Oh, we will.”

That god-awful iridescence flashed before their eyes again and Heimdall was gone.

“I’m going to Nidavellir.” Thor said.

“I figured.” Loki replied.

“Where are you going to go? Nowhere near Thanos.”

“Nowhere near Thanos,” Loki conceded. That was the last thing he wanted. The Mad Titan’s face was funny from a safe distance—and that safe distance currently stood at a couple of realms at the least. “I’ll probably make a pitch stop on some old stomping ground. Rally up some old indebted friends and get something stirring to keep me entertained.”

“That include Earth?”

“Perhaps,” he offered an insincere smile that looked sincere. Naturally, Thor was unconvinced. “If I do, I’ll make sure to stop by Stark Tower and give them a good scare.”

They chuckled, neither finding it all that funny. Thor grabbed Loki’s shoulder with his palm and tugged him to his side, arm around his back. A friendly gesture forgotten since before Loki fell from the Bifrost all those—not that many, to be honest—years ago.

“If you ever, ever, run into trouble, get me.” He was stern and serious, almost authoritative, and Loki nodded honestly. “Give me a day or two and I’ll have another hammer-thing too, which is a bonus.”

“A hindrance.” Loki bargained, but settled for returning their little side hug for the moment.

“I like this.” Thor said, tugging a little tighter. “We don’t hug enough, not nearly.”

Loki held his tight-lipped uncomfortable smile, which had crept onto his embarrassed face with unease, for all of two-seconds longer before he hastily broke their hold. “Well, we’ll have all the time to do that once you’ve caught up to me.”

Thor was a little frazzled. “Brother, what—?”

“Have fun forging!” And in a wisp of blue-black, his brother was gone.

Heaving a sigh and peering into the cosmos, he could see the flicker of Thanos’ fleet in some distant star-cluster. Approaching at a slow crawl, but making advancements nonetheless. They’d reach Knowhere before Alfheim, which was an issue for lesser people. Loki, however, had the Tesseract.

Teleportation certainly comes in handy when you're running for your life.

**Author's Note:**

> come & scream at me on insta: @gemmanime


End file.
